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Letting your husband-to-be see the dress before the wedding: Yes or no?



So I’ve just gone for a gown fitting for my wedding dress recently. It’s going to be spectacular :) I remember the first time we actually got into hunting for the perfect dress; from the beginning, I made it a point to never have my fiance coming along with us. Just my WO, my mom, my bridesmaid, and myself. My mom (and his mom) thought I’m weird, since they claimed they always see the women in Chinese dramas dragging their fiances along from one vendor to another, asking their men how she can look best for him as his future bride.

First of all, I thought first look traditions span across every culture. I was wrong – turns out it’s a Western tradition. No wonder our Asian parents didn’t get it, because my fiance agrees to save the moment – “seeing you in the white dress” – for the big day. Even if I did drag him along to see dresses upon dresses, he’ll say “it’s nice” for everything, as he likes it best when I wear white. He even beamed when I was “forced”1 to try on a random, unflattering, overly adorned ball gown during our visit to a local wedding expo. So yeah … we’ll just save the best for when the time comes (likewise, I appreciate his complete trust2 on my aesthetic judgment :) ).

According to Bridal Guide, the myth claims that betrothed couples weren’t supposed to see each other before the wedding to avoid bad luck in the marriage. Well, not exactly bad luck. This whole not-seeing-the-bride-until-wedding idea sprang from the days when arranged marriages were the norm – the father of the bride was afraid the groom would call off the wedding if he’s already seen her, found her unattractive, and back out while he still can. Even in today’s weddings, if your long-time boyfriend decided turns into a runaway groom, it’ll cast a shame on you and your family. The original purpose of the bridal veil was also to cover up the bride so the groom won’t find out what she looks like until the very last minute.

My purpose for semi-continuing the tradition? Simple: To make his “wow” first look moment even more “wow” than I think it’s going to be. He’s been “wow”-ed a couple of times before by some of my wardrobe’s prettiest dresses, but the next few times of seeing me wearing them wasn’t anything close to their first looks. So yes, simple as that. To maximize the pleasant in his surprise, and by pleasing him it pleases me . Just look at the heartfelt reactions of these grooms:

Some of my biggest inspirations:

First Look… [Karly Borgholthaus]

75 Reasons to Have A First Look [Bridal Guide]

The First Look: Groom’s Perspective [Jasmine Star]

24 Grooms Blown Away By Their Beautiful Brides [BuzzFeed]

Wedding First Look: What The Groom Is Thinking When He Sees His Bride For The First Time [HuffPost]


What do you think? When you got married, did you let him go wedding dress shopping with you, or did you surprise him on the big day? And all you single ladies, would you let your future husband know what to expect before the wedding, or would you “wow” him to the max? Share your thoughts on the comments section below~~


Groom's First Look
Do you let him see you wear the wedding dress before the big day?


P.S. See #46 and #48 on BuzzFeed’s 50 most romantic things that ever happened.



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via Karly Borgholthaus on Pinterest


  1. … to keep the salespeople quiet. []
  2. Proverbs 31:11 []
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Drawing you near me.


© tinylittletea
© tinylittletea

Whenever I draw you, I get to know you a little bit more. Every fur, every detail, every move you make, I love watching you just being you. I want you to experience this life as fully as you can, this life I’ve created especially for you. This feeling inside me I can hardly contain just for myself – I just had to share you to the world.

Each time I draw you near, you delight me in your ways. You make me smile, your cuteness beyond belief. Your snout and your cheeks and your wobbly limbs – I can’t get them out of my head. Never for a second I doubt that you exist and very much alive, a figment of my imagination coming to life.

My world is beautiful because of you. But it’s also a big one where you can get lost easily. My hope is for you not to wander too far from me1, and I’m sorry that sometimes I’m too busy to play with you. I may be your creator, but I am only human. Not God, never will be.

So don’t ever let go of my hand, little one2. Because you are the reason I draw.

double tap
© tinylittletea

  1. Hebrews 7:19 []
  2. 1 John 2:1 []
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Nota Bene




Hazel is different. She walks lightly, old man. She walks lightly upon the earth. Hazel knows the truth: We’re as likely to hurt the universe as we are to help it, and we’re not likely to do either.

People will say it’s sad that she leaves a lesser scare, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely. But it’s not sad, Van Houten. It’s triumphant. It’s heroic.

(Gus’ letter to Peter Van Houten, The Fault in Our Stars)




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Of soul mates and choices



Soul mates. The term often carries romantic implications in it, although it’s not always the case. I’ve spent at least half of my life finding mine1, only to find myself embracing a larger conception of the term now.

I used to believe in the notion that one person was supposed to complete us, somehow predetermined to be the only one to fulfill our lives. If you think about it, it’s a ridiculous and potentially dangerous concept to hold on to. What if said “The One” lives in another continent and you’ve never had a chance to travel abroad? What if you’re Peggy Carter and your Captain America lives in another century? And what if one day, you become so possessed by this idea that it eats you up, obscures your conscience, and drives you away from those loved ones other than this mystical “The One”?

Continue reading Of soul mates and choices


  1. as I revealed in response to one of the prompts during February 2013’s NaBloPoMo []
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How to get him to become your personal mind-reader



Start by telling him what you want. Why you were angry last Tuesday night, how you’re not asking for his solutions and just his ears, and what you want to have for dinner on Valentine’s Day. If you don’t know exactly what you want, just break the silence. Tell him all the choices you have on your plate. Let him speak his mind. Stop him from thinking you’re giving him the silent treatment for some mysterious reason. Choices aside, it’s probably not the best idea to push all the decision-making responsibilities to your man. You and him, it’s a two-way street.

Whenever he disappoints you and you’re all too tired to explain what looks like the most blatant mistake ever, think about the last time you disappointed him so much that he let out a big sigh. Yes, it’s one of those “Let me get some air” and “Can we talk about this later?”. We, unlike men, like to talk. The more heated we get, the more we want to scream, “Why can’t you understand? You’re supposed to get me!!” Men are a different breed. After hours of heat, they need to reset the logical parts of their brain, much like your computer needs to cool off after all the energy it has sustained. You will never realize this in the heat of the moment, but when you’re overwhelmed with emotions, a few rational thoughts can make huge amends.

Also, stop trying to make things seem obvious. What might seem obvious to you might not necessarily seem obvious him. Instead, clarify. If you want him to buy you a dress, don’t say, “That’s the prettiest dress I’ve ever seen!” Say, “I’d like to have that dress some day.” Rather than starting an argument about the prettiest dress the both of you have ever seen, let him know what is it about the dress that concerns you: You want to have it some day. It doesn’t matter if he thinks it’s pretty or you think it’s pretty. He cares about you, not the dress. Don’t make him care about the dress. You know you want it and you hope to own it. Say it like it is. Don’t expect him to know you want it by saying something that doesn’t concern you about the dress.

On your anniversary night, you’re lacquered in your most kissable gloss and divinely sculpted in a Herve Ledger. You were expecting him to kiss you, with tongue, good night before you slide out of his car, but he didn’t. You’re mad, you can’t believe it, you’re upset – but don’t fret yourself. If you’re so upset (and/or somewhere between angry and horny) that you can’t even, keep a quota of 3 unanswered calls and 3 unreplied texts. True, nonverbal communication is the majority (93%) of what gets said, but it doesn’t give you a license to expect him to do the exact thing you want him to do, done exactly the way you want it to be done. Even if you’ve looked the other way and gave one-word answers to show your discontent, you still need to verbalize exactly what’s on your mind, preferably as soon as possible. He may seem unaffected by all your efforts to look good that night, but you don’t know how hard he tried to control his stutters and shaky knees. It doesn’t help either that men can’t read body signals like women can.

So if you want it, just ask for it. Pick up his call, reply his text, and ask for that French kiss. Don’t let him misunderstand you, and don’t even begin to exceed the quota. The worst starts to happen when you pile up the rocks for up to a week. Weeks easily become months, months become years, and years become a lifetime. You don’t want to build a life of resentment, only to look back and see a mountain you can no longer move, all because of the darn kiss. And I know, the way I said it – asking for what you want – sounds completely unromantic. But have you got any idea how much of a turn-on is dirty talk to men? It doesn’t matter if it’s only the first anniversary or your 50th, or if it’s a dome or a megalith standing between the both of you – all you have to do is ask. Now’s the time.



Most important of all, learn to let go of all expectations and start the straight talking. Honestly, gently, and lovingly like a lady. Choose to let him know what’s on your mind as best as you can, because no matter how well you think you know your man or how well you want your man to know you, he’ll never fully understand you, even if he want to. As Harper Lee once said, you never really understand a person until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it. Likewise, you can’t, and will never, truly know what’s on his mind 99% of the time. Neither does his buddy nor his brother, and certainly not even you.


P.S. The truth about men and feelings.



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Sex and the City: Which girl is the happiest?



Recently, I had an interesting discussion with a friend about the character we liked most on SATC and who ended up the happiest. This is a guy friend who suggested my boyfriend to watch the hit series: “If you want to understand women, go watch Sex And The City.”

Continue reading Sex and the City: Which girl is the happiest?

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21 irresistible things you’ll love about the engineering boyfriend



Guess what: Today is Engineer’s Day in Singapore. Yes, there is such a thing, and it’s a worldwide thing, except in Indonesia.

I cared because my older brother is one, my boyfriend is one, my best friend is one, and I find myself attracted to the engineering type the whole time I was consciously single. While I’ve welcomed other types and learned to tolerate many things, I still come back to the ones in engineering. You know – the ones who stays in the lab till 6 in the morning, doesn’t shower, and heads off to a morning class immediately.

Besides how obviously intelligent they are, I didn’t really understand why I’m so inclined to these guys until I give myself time to ponder upon it now.

Just woman to woman, here’s why you’re far better off with that bespectacled guy than with Mr. Abercrombie & Fitch:


He’s cute.

I don’t know why the media always portrays engineers as unattractive. You see, nerds and geeks are very different (think Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield) – geeks tend to be more socially aware than nerds are. The engineering guys I’ve met are all but hermits – it’s how I met them in the first place. Believe me all you want, but they all happen to be cute. Best of all, they don’t even know it.


His glasses.

Tell me this isn’t just me: Most men think women want humongous muscles and protruding veins. Tell you what – it’s creepy. Women love a good mix of openness and mysteriousness, and a pair of warm eyes hidden beneath those thick, big glasses do just that. It makes us curious, it makes us want to get to know you more, and it makes us wonder what you’re like without them on. It’s like bra for men.


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“Brain Divided”: Funny animation shows what’s on your mind when you meet your crush.


Ever wonder what goes on inside your head while you’re on a date?

The guys at Ringling College of Art + Design recently produced a short CGI animation to illustrate just that – and it’s priceless.

Take a look:

I just loveee the giggling girl brain toward the end :p

All jokes aside, I’m sure the way our brain works isn’t usually this divided at any given moment. After all, the whole left-brain, right-brain concept is a myth.

But kudos for the insights as to just why we behave the way we do, and how specific differences in the male and female brain structures can divide the two genders’ ways of thinking so much.

The lesson here: To really hit it off, keep in mind that we’re more alike than we are different.

That whole men-are-from-Mars and women-are-from-Venus notion is BS. John Gray said himself in his seminars that it’s just a way of him putting it so readers can understand those subtle (yet important) differences better.

Very often I still fall short at remembering what’s important whenever there’s a rough patch in my relationship.

“Men,” I mutter to myself.

But it doesn’t stop me from trying to understand my partner better.

So the next time you think men and women are so different, try comparing your brain structure to that of another primate.

Would you rather mate with an orangutan?