10 and I are currently reading Dan Brown’s latest opus, Inferno. We’re late, we’re aware of that, but it doesn’t make the book any less interesting.
This is not the first time he and I read something together. Toward the end of our LDR, we read the Fifty Shades trilogy together. We’d catch up on each other to see whether we’ve reached a particular point in the plot, and we’d share our opinions on the characters involved. He’d wish he was Christian Grey on his helicopter ride to SF, and I’d bitch about Elena. It was fun.
Summer is officially over. As fall looms, my wish list is bombarding me with the season’s most-anticipated literary heavyweights.
This fall will have you sticking to your reader 24/7 – whether you’re the local bookstore frequenter or the one practically glued to your Kindle.
With the likes of bestselling authors Malcolm Gladwell (“Blink”, “Outliers”, “The Tipping Point”, “What the Dogs Saw”), Elizabeth Gilbert (“Eat, Pray, Love”, “Committed”), Mitch Albom (“Tuesdays with Morrie”, “The Five People You Meet in Heaven”, “The Time Keeper”), and Dave Eggers (“What is the What”, “Zeitoun”, “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius”), I’m filling my nightstand with to-reads that the publishing world has been buzzing about.
“Young people! With their hurrying and their worrying and their wanting all the answers now. They wear me out, the poor, harried things. Don’t come back, I always tell them. Don’t come back. Youth is still where you left it, and that’s where it should stay. Anything that was worth taking on life’s journey, you’ll already haven taken with you.”
When I pre-ordered the book back in April, I was having high hopes for another round of Kinsella’s frolicsome adventures. I mean, when I read her previous standalone, I’ve Got Your Number, which was released on Valentine’s Day last year, I consumed all 448 pages within less than 48 hours. I was hooked – as I’ve always been to her novels after Madeleine Wickham decided to get herself a pseudonym. Wedding Night was nothing short of a fun ride, but the plot was unexpectedly weak.
By now, it’s blatantly clear that I love to explore the human mind and learning the best ways to mind my brain for optimum function.
Even though for a while now I’ve finished reading Earl Nightingale’s record, The Strangest Secret, I’m still taking my time to re-read every word written on it in order to guide me through life as I apply the invaluable skills I’ve learned from the author, because I believe real learning takes place by doing.
As a creative by vocation, and having earned a Bachelor’s in the fine arts, most people I know would think that I’d go spending the rest of my life wandering about the world in complete rebellion with myself, trying to sell and to protect the abstractions I deeply hold at heart, and promptly assume that these abstractions I profess come in the form of hand-drawn sketches, digital illustrations, or canvas paintings.
The statement above is true – except for the latter clause.
My medium is the written word, and I’ve long committed myself to it without my noticing that it has chosen me, instead of me choosing to write. Perhaps one day when I’ve left this world, a curious biographer would paint the abstract picture of my life, but for me, words were always there long before I entered high school and college, and today, much as for as long as I’m present, I’m just going with Czikszentmihalyi’s flow.
In the midst of chasing deadlines and baking ideas for stories in my head, I come back now and then to the chapters of Nightingale’s manual. It occurred to me that for as much as, I dare say, 99%, the book makes a claim that the human mind is the source of all the things you truly need to fulfill the deepest desires in your life.
In an individual chapter wholly dedicated to the mind, “Your Most Valuable Creative Tools”, Nightingale argued that even though technology has, in the last century, developed at a speedier light than human intelligence, computers can only remain as good as the person who programmed them.
Technology has superior mechanical skills, but it does not have the unlimited cognitive reserve humans are blessed and endowed with.
In other words: We can think. Machines cannot.
This is why I love the three-pound sponge in our head: The brain is where you hold the potential to create anything you wish for in your life, materialize it into reality, and continuously solve problems to make better decisions as you go conquering challenge by challenge.
In the aforementioned chapter, Nightingale postulated that there are 4 basic powers of the human brain:
♥ The Power to Absorb
The ability to take information, knowledge.
We do this by looking, listening, touching, tasting, and smelling, by using all five of our senses and keeping the gateways of our mind always open.
♥ The Power of Retention
The capacity to retain knowledge and recall it.
Our brains are like endless rows of filing cabinets with relatively few packed file drawers full of all sorts of information. There’s always much room for more.
♥ The Power of Judgment and Logical Thought
The more facts we feed our brain, the more able
it is to reason and judge intelligently.
♥ The Power of Imagination
The ability to think creatively.
Don’t these powers look old school to you?
As a self-proclaimed self-help junkie, there really is nothing new to every book I’ve consumed since the first Chicken Soup for the Soul that I’ve read when I was 9 (stacked dustily in the decks of Popular Bookstore in Singapore).
Except that now, with this post, I conclude that the brain is your biggest tangible asset above all – even above money, goods, and shelter.
Lately, I realized that when we truly open ourselves up and take advantage of all of our senses to their fullest capacity, you start picking up a deeper level of insights you’ve never thought you could pick up.
You start paying double attention to your surroundings, particularly to those that interest you, and you start baking them into your mental cabinet for a certain period of time before you decide they should be promoted into the long-term memory or not. While you decide, you reason. Every time you decide, you exercise reasoning, using sound, critical thinking and logical thought. Should you be left with no choice in the face of indecision, the power of imagination opens you up wide to new ways of thinking things through.
I decided quite some time ago that I am a lifelong learner and will always be. It is logical to think that because I’m still 23 years of age. I don’t know how arrogant I’ll become in the next decades to come, but I know what I don’t want to be: The know-it-all – simply because I believe I don’t know better.
* * * * * * * * * *
A valuable lesson I learned today
This afternoon, I learned something noteworthy from someone that is only a couple of years my senior, but have accomplished so much more than even older folks: People tend to dislike difference – doesn’t matter if it’s a good difference or a bad difference. Why? Because it is a natural inclination so often practiced today to choose the lazier way to think – to stick within the comfort zone of your own thinking pattern rather than taking a leap of faith and step out of fear, the fear of believing that something other than your own truth is equally true.
So I asked, how do you deal with that kind of pressure, that kind of thoughts from people who’s holding you back?
Well, inertia is not the solution, that’s for certain. You may have asked a thousand questions in your head that’s causing you to struggle, finding all the right reasons why you are the way you are, thinking about all the things that could go wrong and all the negative things that people would say about you if you are not behaving like other people who have grown comfortable behaving robot-like within society’s unwritten rules, all the while you are hindering yourself from living out your full potential.
But what’s more important than all that thought is this: Be your own person.
“The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd,” Albert Einstein once said. “The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before,” and along with that, you have to accept that it’s inevitable to come across those who are displeased with your difference and your uncompromising will to conform.
It’s the price the creative person must be willing to pay in order to realize her impact to the world – by using all the 4 freely-given powers of the mind, and by having the courage to, just, be.
It’s an imperfect world after all, isn’t it? At the end of the day, there’s nothing really for you to lose if you would just be who you truly are, other than those discouraging thoughts others conjure up about you when you bravely take the road less taken.
We all know that there is no one-way road to achieving success. Even if there is such an established, perfectly-constructed system, no one has ever succeeded, not even those who have achieved success, in clearly showing others how to get there, though Varun Chablani has made a close call in the clever illustration below.
If we only take a closer look, you’ll find that the successful person just decides to succeed.
The successful person is the first and the last to know nothing but to catch the one train in time to get himself toward Success.
Looking at the illustration, the successful person starts his humble beginnings at Opportunity and go straight to the railroad station before he misses his train, disregarding the appeals of Bohemianism (draft beers) or the endless spin of Conceit (self-engagement). Once on board under the Right System, the successful person takes no second glance at Hotel Know It All, an imprisonment appealingly masked as knowledge, because he has admitted himself to knowing nothing but catching his train.
Only by withholding his good habits and virtues could the successful person bypass Bad Habits and Vices in order to get into the promised land of the System, wherein the biggest and the only hurdle before success is overcoming the Lack of Preparation tunnel, a dark path where the successful person has chosen to learn True Knowledge and gain wisdom.
Once the successful person saw the light at the end of the tunnel, he becomes successful by autopilot: His train follows his soul beyond the Gate of Ideals across the straight, unobstructive path toward Success, while those who have never gotten onboard in the train could only get to Weak Morals at best, unless they finally choose to make the wise decision to succeed.
Then again, we all know that there are far too many successful people who have been welcomed into the promised land, gained wisdom, and practiced morality without getting onboard in their trains, right? Those who get back on their feet after falling into Failure have found the harder road toward Success by their own ideals.
The public secret
As you may already know, I’m reading the dean of personal development’s spoken word 1956 record The Strangest Secret, which has sold Earl Nightingale over 1 million copies worldwide even during his time.
Inspired by Napoleon Hill’s 1937 opus Think And Grow Rich, Nightingale wrote the book in honor of history’s most prominent successful persons, their succeeding contributions, and the strangest, yet most remarkable secret of all time, which has preceded these successes in the past as well as the extensive successes achieved today: We become what we think about.
This secret is synonymous with the message written on some of the best-selling self-help books in the industry today, namely Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret and the Hicks’ Ask And It Is Given.
Nonetheless, in Nightingale’s own words, success is defined by “the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” By this definition, he has devoted a whole chapter to explore the intrinsic value of success, which I think is convincing because let’s face it – success feels better achieved by effort than when it is given.
This chapter is, arguably, a quotation-filled minefield that reflects how we often corrupt the very power of human thought in our lives by thinking in negative terms. Take a look at these clips:
1. A man’s life is what his thoughts make of it.
2. A man is what he thinks about all day long.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
3. The greatest discovery of my generation is
that human beings can alter their lives by
altering their attitudes of mind.
4. We need only in cold blood act as if
the thing in question was real and it will
become infallibly real by growing into
such a connection with our life that
it will become real. It will become so knit
with habit and emotion, that our interest
in it will be those which characterize belief.
5. If you only care enough for a result,
you will almost certainly ascertain it.
If you wish to be rich, you will be rich.
If you wish to be learned, you will be learned.
If you wish to be good, you will good.
Only you must then really wish things
and wish them exclusively
and not wish at the same time
a hundred other compatible things just as strongly.
6. If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
7. This is one of the greatest laws in the universe.
Fervently do I wish I had discovered it as a very young man.
It dawned upon me much later in life and I found it to be
one of the greatest, if not my greatest discovery, outside of
my relationship to God. And the great law briefly and simply stated
is that if you think in negative terms, you’ll get negative results. If
you’ll think in positive terms, you will achieve positive results.
That is the simple fact which is at the basis of an astonishing law
of prosperity and success. In three words, ‘believe and succeed’.
Dr. Norman Vincent Peale
8. Our doubts are traitors and make us lose
the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.
9. People are always blaming their circumstances
for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances.
The people who get on in this world are the people who
get up and look for the circumstances they want and
if they can’t find them, make them.
George Bernard Shaw
(see Making Miles: Week 39)
In other words, the secret acts like a mirror.
To live a successful life means creating our own reality, and doing so deliberately by using the power of thought.
You’ve probably picked it up from Chablani’s illustration, as well as from your own observations throughout the history of mankind: The road to success is, more often than not, a long and lonely one.
As someone who is prone to overthinking, I believe that I’ve created my everyday reality and am responsible for all my setbacks. It’s comforting to say personal achievements out loud, yet looking forward, it’s all too scary to realize them in the first place.
How you decide to succeed, therefore, makes all the difference.
Right now, at 23, I’m lucky to say that the rest of my life still offers a relatively thick block of blank canvas for me to fill. Because I’m aware that every decision I make, both the major and the minor ones, will eventually make a life that constitutes the sum total of my thoughts, I intend to exceed fulfilling my needs by going after my wants quietly.
I envision a life brimming with abundance of my own ideals, and by ideals, I don’t see material gains as much as I see time-tested virtues I particularly value become practiced and crystallized into reality, namely integrity and perseverance.
I’ve had enough of feeling guilty for rejecting others for fear of the attempt. Reframing fear as a motivator and maintaining love as my drive has served me well so far.
I hold Bob Dylan’s definition of success true, which I also believe was a precursor to Steve Jobs’ lifetime achievements as a father, a brother, a husband, a thinker, an innovator, and a hungry fool: “What is money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.”
Oh, what freedom it is to desire what you already have.
“Success is going to bed at night in peace,” affirmed Stanley to me once, and I couldn’t agree with him more.
So tell me: What does success mean to you? Share your story on the comments section below.
There’s this notable chapter dedicated to exploring the consistent traits of those inspiring, imaginative people who thrive in their creative endeavors. I just think it’s worth sharing the checklist for those of you who are finding practical ways to learn more on how to be a creative thinker.
With this list in hand, Nightingale encourages his readers to develop their minds with the goal of realizing the fulfillment of their own potential.
The practice? He suggested adopting one trait per week with due diligence. Multiply that first week into 24 more weeks, and in two years’ time you’re bound to be a more creative person than ever before.
Here’s what made it to the creative characteristics list, with each trait unique from the next:
The desire to work hard and long.
tenacity of purpose,
the mental and moral strength to venture and persevere.
knowing what they wanted and going after it.
a thirst for knowledge, they knew their fields.
They constantly boned up on them.
5. GOOD HEALTH,
they kept physically and mentally fit.
They exercised their bodies and, of course, their minds.
they were frank, forthright, honorable.
they had integrity and they were, above all,
the great creative people were usually optimistic and positive.
they believed in people and they were cheerfully reasonable
trying hard to be part of the solution to a problem, not part of the problem.
8. AND JUDGMENT,
they exercised judgment.
They searched for facts, evaluate them,
tried always to understand first,
they were enthusiastic,
they were vital, they had a zest for life.
They lived life fully.
10. THEY WERE CHANCE TAKERS.
They didn’t fear failure.
They knew failure is often a stepping stone
11. THEY WERE DYNAMIC.
They were energetic,
always on the move.
They courageously took jobs others didn’t want or couldn’t do.
They were never afraid to try the unknown.
They were opportunity seekers.
13. THEY WERE PERSUASIVE.
They knew how to sell.
They knew what motivates people.
They inspired action and backed it up with reason and sound judgments.
14. THEY WERE OUTGOING.
They made friends easily and they were easy on their friends.
They encouraged people and ideas to grow in their presence.
15. THEY WERE GOOD COMMUNICATORS.
They had verbal skill and competence.
They spoke fluently and interestingly.
16. THEY WERE PERCEPTIVE.
Their gateways to the mind were always wide open.
Their senses were highly tuned to life around them.
They were quick, acute, and sensitive.
their mental radar was always on.
17. THEY WERE BOTH PATIENT AND IMPATIENT.
Patient with others most of the time
but always impatient with themselves believing they could
and should be doing more and doing it better.
18. AND, ADAPTABLE,
they were resilient not ridged in their thinking.
They were intelligent and flexible,
adjusting quickly to changing situations.
19. THEY WERE PERFECTIONISTS,
always striving for the highest possible degree of excellence.
They would not settle for mediocrity, particularly in themselves.
they tried to be tolerant with others but others knew they insisted upon excellence.
20. THEY HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR.
They saw the lighter side of life.
They laughed easily, enjoyed a good story,
often at their own expense.
21. THEY WERE VERSATILE.
They were able to do many things and do them well.
22. THEY WERE CURIOUS, INQUISITIVE,
always asking why.
They knew that questions are
the creative act of intelligence.
they were purposely independent.
they did things the way they believe they should be done.
24. THEY WERE BOTH REALISTS AND IDEALISTS
occupied by reality and guided by ideals.
25. AND, OF COURSE THEY WERE IMAGINATIVE.
They knew how to imagineer.
They knew how to think in new combinations.
They were able to conceive new relationships because
of their curiosity and their habit of thinking outside the boundaries
of conformity. They thought imaginatively.
They judged wisely. And,
they got their best ideas into action.
Have you meet someone in your life who has all of the characteristics listed above? Or even better – are you one? Feel free to share your story on the comments section below
When it comes to romantic relationships, I still very much consider myself a traditionalist. While I believe that women, like men, are created with an equally independent streak, I also believe that a committed woman has to adjust to her man and his needs, the man who’s going to stand by her side for the long haul. It’s not supposed to be hard, as women generally fare better at compromising than men.
Suffice it to say that I haven’t read the book, or that I’m not yet a married woman, but I think it’s wise to get myself prepared for the role I’m going to play in my S.O.’s life.
Ladies, just read on. I’m sure you’re going to recognize every men you’ve met, dated, or secretly pictured yourself dating, as one of these types.
Mr. Command Man
God is dominant — a sovereign and all-powerful God. He is also visionary— omniscient and desirous of carrying out his plans. And, God is steady — the same yesterday, and today, and forever, our faithful High Priest. Most men epitomize one of these three aspects of God. No single man completely expresses the well-rounded image of God.
A few men are born with more than their share of dominance and, on the surface, a deficit in gentleness. They often end up in positions that command other men. We will call them Command Men. They are born leaders. They are often chosen by other men to be military commanders, politicians, preachers, heads of corporations, and managers of businesses. Winston Churchill, George Patton, and Ronald Reagan are examples of dominant men. Since our world needs only a few leaders, God seems to limit the number of these Command Men. These men see life as if they are looking from a high mountain, they see the big picture rather than individual needs.
They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. A Command Man does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him. If you are blessed to be married to a strong, forceful, bossy man, as I am, then it is very important for you learn how to make an appeal without challenging his authority. We will discuss how to make an appeal later in this book.
Command Men have less tolerance, so they will often walk off and leave their clamoring wife before she has a chance to realize that she is even close to losing her marriage. By the time she realizes that there is a serious problem, she is already a divorced mother seeking help in how to raise her children alone. A woman can fight until she is blue in the face, yet the Command Man will not yield. Yielding would be against his personhood. He is not as intimate or vulnerable as are other men in sharing hi s personal feelings or vocation with his wife. He seems to be sufficient unto himself. It is awful being shut out. A woman married to a Command Man has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal, and obedient. When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme.
A King wants a Queen, which is why a man in command wants a faithful wife to share his fame and glory. Without a woman’s admiration, his victories are muted. If a wife learns early to enjoy the benefits of taking the second seat, and if she does not take offense to his headstrong aggressiveness, she will be the one sitting at his right side being adored, because this kind of man will totally adore his woman and exalt her. She will be his closest, and sometimes his only, confidante. Over the years, the Command Man can become more yielding and gentle. His wife will discover secret portals to his heart.
If you are married to a king, honor and reverence is something you must give him on a daily basis if you want him to be a benevolent, honest, strong, and fulfilled man of God. He has the potential to become an amazing leader. Never shame him, and do not belittle him or ignore his accomplishments. Make it your life’s goal to become his queen.
God is a Visionary as seen in his person, the Holy Spirit. He made some men in the image of that part of his nature. Prophets, be they true or false, are usually of this type. Some of you are married to men who are shakers, changers, and dreamers. These men get the entire family upset about peripheral issues, such as: do we believe in Christmas? Should we use state marriage licenses? Should a Christian opt out of the Social Security system? The issues may be serious and worthy of one’s commitment, but, in varying degrees, these men have tunnel vision, tenaciously focusing on single issues. They are often the church splitters and the ones who demand doctrinal purity and proper dress and conduct. Like a prophet, they call people to task for their inconsistencies. If they are not wise, they can be real jerks who push their agendas, forcing others to go their way.
Visionaries are often gifted men or inventors, and I am sure it was men of this caliber that conquered the Wild West, though they would not have been the farmers who settled it. Today, Visionary men are street preachers, political activists, organizers and instigators of any front-line social issue. They love confrontation, and hate the status quo. “Why leave it the way it is when you can change it?” They are the men who keep the rest of the world from getting stagnant or dull. The Visionary is consumed with a need to communicate with his words, music, writing, voice, art, or actions. He is the “voice crying out in the wilderness” striving to change the way humanity is behaving or thinking. Good intentions don’t always keep Visionaries from causing great harm. They can stir up pudding and end up with toxic waste if they are not wise. An unwise wife can add to the poison with negative words, or she can, with simple words of caution, bring attention to the goodness of the pudding and the wisdom in leaving it alone. Every Mr. Visionary needs a good, wise, prudent, stable wife who has a positive outlook on life.
The wife of Mr. Visionary should be just a little bit reckless and blind in one eye if she is going to enjoy the ride. If this is your man, you need to learn two very important things (beyond how to make an appeal). Learn how to be flexible, and learn how to always be loyal to your man. You will be amazed at how much happier you will be and how much fun life can be if you learn to just go with the flow — his flow. Life will become an adventure. You will actually begin to feel sorry for the gals married to the stick-in-the-mud, steady type. And once you get it into your head that your husband does not have to be “right” for you to follow him, you will finally be able to say bye bye to your overwrought parents, even when they are screaming that you are married to a crazy man. People looking on will marvel that you are able to love and appreciate your husband, but you will know better because you will see his greatness.
Greatness is a state of soul, not certain accomplishments. Over time, this type of man will become more practical. If you are a young wife married to a man whom your mama thinks is totally crazy — then you may be married to Mr. Visionary. Right now, purpose in your heart to be loyal to him, and to be flexible; then, let your dreamer dream. Lean back and enjoy the ride; it should prove interesting. Visionary Man will talk and talk and talk to his honey if she approves of him. He will be subjective, thinking about feelings, moods, and spiritual insights. One of his greatest needs will be for his wife to think objectively (proven truth) and use common sense, which will help keep his feet from flying too far from solid ground. He spends his life looking through a telescope or microscope, and he will be stunned that what he sees (or thinks he sees), others do not seem to notice or care about.
God is as steady as an eternal rock, caring, providing, and faithful, like a priest like Jesus Christ. He created many men in that image. We will call him Mr. Steady — “in the middle, not given to extremes.” The Steady Man does not make snap decisions or spend his last dime on a new idea, and he doesn’t try to tell other people what to do. He avoids controversy.
Being married to a Steady Man has its rewards and its trials. On the good side, your husband never puts undue pressure on you to perform miracles. He doesn’t expect you to be his servant. You do not spend your days putting out emotional fires, because he doesn’t create tension in the family. You rarely feel hurried, pushed, pressured, or forced. The women married to Visionary Men look at you in wonder that your husband seems so balanced and stable. The wife of Command Man marvels at the free time you seem to have. If your dad happened to be a Steady Man, then chances are you will appreciate your husband’s down-to-earth, practical life for the wonderful treasure it is.
When you are married to a man who is steady and cautious, and you have a bit of the impatient romantic in you, you may not see his worth and readily honor him. You may be discontent because he is slow and cautious to take authority or make quick decisions. A bossy woman sees her husband’s lack of hasty judgment and calls her Steady husband “wishy-washy.” His steadiness makes him the last to change, so he seems to be a follower because he is seldom out front forming up the troops. There is no exciting rush in him, just a slow, steady climb with no bells or whistles. You wish he would just make up his mind, and that he would take a stand in the church. He seems to just let people use him. There are times you wish he would boldly tell you what to do so you would not have to carry all the burden of decision-making.
Some women equate their husband’s wise caution and lack of open passion as being unspiritual. His lack of spontaneity and open boldness may look like indifference to spiritual things. However, he is like deep, deep water. The very depth makes the movement almost imperceptible, but it is, nevertheless, very strong.
He will be confused with your unhappiness and try to serve you more, which may further diminish your respect for his masculinity. Disappointment and unthankfulness can make you wearier than any amount of duties. His very steadiness keeps him on his middle-of-the-road course, and it will drive a controlling woman crazy.
This is why many disgruntled ladies married to Mr. Steadys fall victim to hormonal imbalance, physical illness, or emotional problems.
Know your man
Wives are very much flesh and blood, and as young women, we don’t come to marriage with all the skills needed to make it start out good, let alone perfect. When you come to know your man for whom God created him to be, you will stop trying to change him into what you think he should be. The key is to know your man. If he is Mr. Steady, you need to learn to be thankful and to honor him as the one created for you in the image of God. Your husband’s gentleness is not a weakness; it is his strength. Your husband’s hesitation is not indecision; it is cautious wisdom. Your husband’s lack of deep spiritual conversation is not a lack of caring; it is simply the cap on a mountain of intense emotions.
If this describes your man, you need to learn how to stand still and listen; then let God move your husband in his own good time. Ask God for wisdom and patience. Seek to always have a gentle spirit. Stop expecting him to perform for you, to pray with the family, to speak out in witnessing, or to take a bold stand at church. Stop trying to stir him up to anger toward the children in order to get him to feel as though he understands how badly you are being treated. Let him be the one God made him to be: a still, quiet, thoughtful presence — for you!
A Steady Man likes a woman to walk beside him, yet grow in her own right before God and him.
He needs a resourceful, hardworking woman with dignity and honor. It is important to Mr. Steady that his wife is able to be self-sufficient in all the mundane tasks of daily living.
These men can be some of the most important men in the church, because their steadfastness is sure, and their loyalty is strong. They make wise, well-thought-out decisions.
Typically, Steady Men do not become as well known as Command or Visionary Men. They are not odd or stand-out men. They are not loud. They are neither irritating nor particularly magnificent. Women and men alike envy and desire a Command Man. People are often drawn and compelled by the Visionary. But the Steady Man is taken for granted.
Much of this book has been written to help young wives learn to honor, obey, and appreciate the Steady Man just as he is.
Mr. Steady will enjoy the company of others and be most comfortable spending time in small talk with whoever is around. Of the three types, he is the one that will be most liked by everyone. Mr. Steady is always in demand. He belongs to people. He does not focus on the eternal picture like Mr. Command, nor is he looking through a microscope as Mr. Visionary, but he does respect both views as important. His vision is as a man seeing life just as it is. He can shift his sights to the sky and know there is more up there than he can see, and he wonders about it. Or, he can stare into a muddy pond and appreciate that there is a whole world in there that he knows nothing about. In most of life, he is a bridge between the other two types of men. He is a very necessary expression of God’s image. Of the three different kinds of men, it is more important that Mr. Steady have a help meet who likes him just as he is.
Which one of these godly types sounds most like your man? More importantly, are you ready to be his help mate? (I know I don’t. At least not yet :p)