Life Lately: Don’t lose hope

 
 

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January 2013
 
 
 

Hey peeps! How have you guys been so far in the early days of 2013?

#WhatMadeMyDay Last time you check, I was absolutely late for a job interview with the company I really look forward to working for – company ABC. Well … I’m happy to say that this morning was my third interview … and at this point, we still don’t have a clear decision yet. In any case, I’m still hopeful for a chance to work with the team and make myself useful for the company in any way that I can.

So, I was two and a half hours early this morning.

 
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I know, I know. I sat down at the waiting room for practically two and a half hours, finishing Aaron Karo’s Ruminations of Twentysomething Life in a single breath. I stayed around for about two more hours for two rounds of interviews.

And I only slept for five hours the previous night.

Allow me to explain further in the CAREER section below.

P.S. This thing just arrived this morning.

 

My school said I'll expect my grad cert to arrive within 6 to 8 weeks after my last day of school. Since I only received it today, I guess that means 6 months of waiting until you're officially a college grad.

My school said I’ll expect my grad cert to arrive within 6 to 8 weeks after my last day of school. Since I only received it today, I guess that means 6 months of waiting to confirm that you are indeed a college grad.


 
 
 

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FAMILY: Back in 2012, I had better relationship with my parents than I do with them now. We have a huge distance between us because, well, like most parent-and-child conflict, my parents subconsciously want me to be a certain way. Every one has their own definition of “being a good girl” or “living a good life”, but I guess it’s harder for parents to accept that their children has a different way of thinking and doing things.

Times have changed. The way it has been in the last generation isn’t the way things are today.

I have an avoidance attachment style, and I’ve avoided talking with them for the past six months due to my decision to be, sooner or later, a career woman:

 
Dismissive–avoidant attachment
People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: “I am comfortable without close emotional relationships.”, “It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient”, and “I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.” People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive–avoidant attachment style tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).

 

Though my parents have never considered they’ve spoiled me as a kid, I disagree. I think all parents do spoil their kids to a certain degree. Considering I’m the youngest kid and the only daughter, I always get what I want. But they probably didn’t realize that they’ve raised a kid who will never stop until she get what she wants, even without their help. What I don’t realize is … without their support, it’s really hard to get by.

I’m not rebelling like I did when I decided to move from Indiana to California six years ago. This time, they gave me choices. I just chose the hard way of going about my life – the one that I prefer to risk everything just to be happy in my definition of happiness over something easy that is their definition of being happy.

Bottom line, they’re disappointed that I’m taking a bigger risk to live an uncomfortable life. And I just hope that they learn to let go of the perfect situation and condition they want to put me in life so that they can worry less. Conversely, I strongly believe all of us only have limited control over the kind of situations and conditions we want to be in.

So, I just want to make my focus this year to rebuilding that intimacy I used to have with my parents, while at the same time convince them God-knows-how that their little one is growing up and that they have to be able to let me go. Contrary to what most mothers believe to be the best for their daughters, I don’t think marry-a-prince-and-live-happily-ever-after is the key to happiness.

I can imagine myself as a mother later on having my twentysomething daughter all grown-up and trusting that she is able to make her own decisions. In time I won’t have to schlep burdensome worries I don’t even have to carry in the first place.

 
 

LOVE: Stanley’s still dealing with my lack of confidence sometimes. It doesn’t happen quite often as last year, but sometimes I love to hurt myself so much that I hurt him. These outbreaks have dissipated slowly over the year, and I hope it will vanish completely by the end of this year.

Stanley renewed my faith in my own worth by whispering in my ears: You are a beautiful, smart, intelligent woman. I should put that on my bedroom wall.

Nonetheless, we are growing more intimate with each other :)

 
 

HEALTH: MORE SLEEP, LESS BREAD.

 
hwaiting1

 

CAREER: OK. Let’s continue.

So yesterday, I received a phone call early in the morning while I was still in bed. I picked up the phone in a slurred voice. Turns out it’s company ABC!!! After one month since my second interview … I didn’t thought they’d give me a call again. But they did.

The problem? I can’t remember what time I’m supposed to be there. 8:30am? 9:30am? 10:30am? I was half-awake. By the time I was brushing my teeth that morning, I completely forgot. I haven’t refill my phone bills and I couldn’t make a call to confirm with them.

So I woke up extra, extra early by going extra, extra early to bed. Like, at 9pm. Tossed and turned till 11:30pm where I fumed and said, “OK, I need to do something boring.”

I read my ancient history textbook for less than an hour and I’m sound asleep.

 

It's actually not that boring ... that's why I still keep it. (This is my textbook for an ancient history class I took while at Purdue)." width="2592" height="1936" class="size-full wp-image-12653" /> It's actually not that boring ... that's why I still keep it. (This is my textbook for an ancient history class I took while at Purdue)

It’s actually not that boring … that’s why I still keep it. (This is my textbook for an ancient history class I took while at Purdue).”

 

I woke up at 5am and a little before 6, I’m out of the house.

The road was obviously clear so I reached the building at 7. The janitor was cleaning the floor and looked up at me. “I have an interview … What time does the office open?” I asked.

“Usually people come between 8.30am to 9,” replied the janitor.

I’m like dang. OK, at least I’m not late. I can just wait.

Thing is, sitting for two and a half hours straight really makes your butt sore. I didn’t have my cup of tea this morning, so I was desperately trying to stay awake and alert.

In the end, I believe I didn’t come off as fresh and confident as I was during my first two interviews. Like I said, I went through two rounds of interviews. I think they’re trying to figure out a way to fit a definite position for me in the company.

While driving home, I realized I wasn’t as sure as I did after the previous interviews. As in whether I’ll get the job or not.

I can only hope for the best right now.

The first thing that I did after I put down that morning phone call was point up to God with a big smile, because I’ve been praying a lot for the past month that I’ve been interviewing with company ABC. He gives me confidence. I knew He wouldn’t let me down no matter how things will turn out, and that as long as I do the job according to His will, for His purposes, and for His service, I know I’ll be able to contribute a lot to company ABC while improving my writing skills at the same time.

 
 
 

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In a nutshell: My life is not as balanced as we last checked. You’re probably experiencing a lot more challenges, more confusions, and more difficulties in your life too.

It’s okay.

As long as you keep your faith and don’t lose hope, I assure you that everything will be okay.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Muchaluva,
Stace.

 

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