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21 confessions of a clueless bride-to-be


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1. I don’t have a dream wedding.1 I didn’t dream up a fantasy since I was 10 or anything like that.

2. The closest thing I’ve imagined about the supposedly “happiest day of my life” is that it’s going to be a small, intimate one.

3. This gives my wedding organizer (WO) a lot of flexibility to work with, yet far, far too many options for me.

4. Peonies or carnations? Camellias or Davin Austin roses? Can I have all of them? Can I have just a couple of them? What are the other options? I mean, I’m good with anything as long as it stays within the concept.

5. Umm, what’s my theme/concept again? Whenever people ask me this, I have no idea what to say. It’s like trying to come up with an elevator pitch, but you can’t put yourself into the metaphorical elevator.

6. Today’s wedding industry: One bride, a million decisions, infinite vendors.

7. Wow, before I got engaged I had no idea a dress alone can cost as much as USD 55,000, which you only get for rent. A lot of times I thought of spending the money on getting a down payment for properties we like instead. At least that we can sell for rent.

8. I really, really don’t want to think too much about the dress. But I have to, because it appears that most brides do, and that my mom and my in-laws and everybody else cares more about it than I do.

9. Turns out, bridal expos are nothing but a waste of time, especially when you already have an excellent WO at your disposal.

10. Hassles are the worst. As much as I wanted cascading flowers on my cake, I’m agreeing with whatever you say is more doable.

11. I really hate waking up early just to have a discussion on cakes. And flowers. And lights and everything else. The idea of having my makeup done early on D-Day always have me grunting.

12. And no, I’m positive I don’t need a USD 9,750 vellum paper-wrapped, double-board. custom-designed, premium paper-printed wedding invitation card that everybody’s going to toss except me and my future husband.


13. My secret wish is to have the whole family assigned as a team to plan the whole wedding for me, and then I’ll just have to attend.

14. That’s right. Most of the time, I wish there’s somebody else who can make all the decisions for me. Heck, one time I even fantasized about some other girl that would fill the position of a bride on the wedding day. She will be my face for the day, and then later on I’ll take it from there to live with my husband forever after.

15. I really miss having face-time with my fiance where it doesn’t concern the wedding.

16. The thought of elopement has passed through my head at least a million times.

17. Most of the time I wonder, why do people make such a big fuss about weddings? I’m fully aware it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but the whole definition of “special” in this special day is exactly what makes each weddings unique and therefore, different. There are simple weddings and there are elaborate weddings. I just wish the spotlight on me is a little smaller.

18. If there’s one thing I’d want my guests to remember, it’s not the food, not the lanterns, not the lighting, not the centerpieces, and not even the dress – it’s the love that my fiance and I share and how it overflows the entire garden like the first golden rays of sunrise.

19. As the months drew near, I just can’t wait till the day is over. The pressure of all the attention, the pressure of wedding expectations, the pressure of having to be perfect for a full day. Pressure pressure pressure.

20. Heck with hair and makeup already. I’m up for any artist as long as it’s not too thick, not too different and just not not me.

21. I mean, for Pete’s sake I’m going to be someone’s wife. Like, for real. For good. For eternity. I don’t know how everything will turn out on D-Day, and by now you know I don’t give 2 cents on whether it’ll be a dream wedding or not, but this is not a dream and I’m so nervous, yet so excited for the ever after. Never have I imagined I would meet my soul mate, one that didn’t exist before he came to life, almost as if I conjured him up, and you know what … nothing else matters, because I am going to marry the man of my dreams.



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  1. Very well. I’m going to dream up a wedding on the spot: One that’s studded with candles and Christmas lights, a garden-by-the-ocean venue, a less-than-100 guests, an all-over blue-green theme with a rustic touch, a Vera dress that’s exactly like Hilary Duff‘s, Jimmy Choo’s Cinderella perfection, a Taylor Swift Love Story ‘do, lots of succulents and white roses, a free flow of white tea for everyone, vintage books and teapots everywhere, acoustics playing in the background, Taylor Swift surprising us at the wedding, and last but not least, a mini-pig donning a pearl necklace and a fancy headpiece as the ring bearer. Due to parents’ involvement, budgeting, and the unlikeliness of celebrities attending  and time, not everything on this immediate dream is possible. Some, however, are. And they’re really going to happen at the wedding. []
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Ingredients 101: Benzoyl peroxide


I haven’t been updating my beauty segment since forever. Since I’m pretty nitpicky when it comes to cosmetic ingredients, I’d like to introduce a new section under the segment that explores just that (mainly to divide and conquer future blog posts so you won’t have to scroll so much … ehhehehe). You might ask, why do I feel propelled to write looong posts in the first place? Well, I feel the more we’re educated about what we’re putting on our skin, the wiser we get when choosing one product from another. So to kickstart with this post, let’s discuss the nits and grits on benzoyl peroxide, otherwise known as the ingredient that’s secured itself as industry’s tried-and-true acne treatment.


Natural or synthetic?


Best for?

Treating mild to moderate acne, although those with sensitive skin are recommended to only use it as a spot treatment.

The story

BPO is the world’s most frequently used acne treatment. It’s usually found in OTC acne-targeting cream, gel, lotion, wash, and salve at concentrations 2.5%, 5%, and 10%.

The science

BPO works by getting inside the pores and irritate those acne-causing bacteria that are feeding off your sebum. This deprives them of the necessary nutritional resources to reproduce and thrive. Since bacteria have a short lifetime (up to 48 hours), this nutrient-deprived environment eventually kills them.


You will feel a slight burning sensation at first, so always start small (sunflower seed-sized) with fewer applications (say, once a day). If your skin doesn’t dry up/become itchy/form rashes/starts swelling, work up to three times a day – no more. Keep your BPO product away from your hair, towel, and any form of clothing as it may bleach them. If you have rosacea, BPO may cause irritation and trigger new small pimples to form. If you’re a fellow Asian and you don’t use sunscreen, BPO may result in pigmentation/discoloration as it makes you more sensitive to the sun.

Is it safe?

Well, there was a study a while ago that shows benzoyl peroxide promotes the growth of skin tumor, but the experiment was done on mice. Whether or whether not BPO poses the same issue on human skin, up to this day dermatologists are still prescribing it as a long-term acne medication.




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He gets me.


© tinylittletea
© tinylittletea

Different people don’t always get along, much less opposites (at least, if we’re in it for the long haul). But differences aside, I think one of the reasons why people constantly argue is because we tend to want people to look into our circumstances more than we do assert our own perspective on the matter. We think that others get it from our viewpoint, but truth is, no two individuals see things the same way. We especially expect or assume this level of understanding from the people we believe know us best, and sometimes, these “Why don’t you get it?!” kind of arguments can leave a permanent scar.

If we stop for a minute and pull back to see things from the omniscient perspective, we’ll see how puny our own ego really is. It begs for your constant attention, its desires are fleeting. You can’t endow your full and complete trust into something so volatile. It’s so tiny and so vulnerable that it knows, it has to present itself as one ginormous vessel of pride. It pushes others around it to attend to its needs immediately, and while it’s capable, it’s not in its nature to become the first to shimmy out of its pride. It would go lengths to prevent others from seeing its small nature in all its nakedness1.

Now the billion-dollar question is, why not you be the first? Contrary to logic, breaking out of your giant vessel reduces neither you nor your existence. You’re just laying yourself bare – fully your small self and completely with your fragile thoughts and porcelain feelings. This way, people can see right through your soul. And this way, you don’t have to put the pressure on those who know you best to empathize with you. Stripped off your armors, it’s easier for you to get to the heart of one another2 without leaving scars, and that’s a good thing in His eyes3.


  1. Hebrews 4:13 []
  2. because of the begotten Son, who covers for you []
  3. Colossians 1:22 []
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You’re impatient, hard-headed, and easily angered.


And you know it. People have been telling you all their life. Some of your relationships went downhill in the first place because you’re like that. You should stop being that way, they yelled. You shouldn’t take things too seriously, or too personally. My personal favorite: Why are you so sensitive?!

© tinylittletea

And so it goes. Every thought that comes in your way, you begin to suppress. Every emotion, you’re forced to repress before you even process. And every feeling, even the fleeting ones, is like a fatal flaw that forces you to reprogram your nature without a decent backup. No valuable memory to save, no memory whatsoever. The longer this goes on, the faster you go on reformatting mode on autopilot.

And so …

You are nothing, you said to the mirror.

You are nothing, you shouted at it.

You are nothing, you cried.

“If I have to live like a machine, I’d rather not live,” you finished.

Understand this: You are confusing prominence with significance. You might be a little “different” from others, but that doesn’t mean you’re useless, worthless, and/or are doomed to live a meaningless life1. Just because everybody prefers to see a light, outgoing, extraverted little young lady doesn’t mean you should also appear that way. Just because by now you have declared “I am no-thing” all too many mornings in the mirror doesn’t mean you’re actually no-thing, nor does it ever going to make you one. Why? Because you didn’t make you, and this is not the end, and for as long as it’s not that time of your life yet, like it or not, the filmmaker is still running the script.

Fact that you’re casted in the first place is not an accident. As long as you came out of a womb and still alive and breathing, you have a role to play. It’s some-thing, but it’s not no-thing. It may be a lead role or it may not, but you’re there to help move the story forward, to create history, to play a part that ultimately serves a bigger purpose, some-thing much bigger than you.

Even if you can’t see what’s the whole point of having you around, you must remain in the film2. You can’t be replaced. After all, you’re “different”, and so you’re the only one that fits that particular role in that particular scene in the film. The only difference between films and real life is that one was made for multiple audiences (a.k.a. everybody) whereas the latter was made for an audience of One.

Even if there hasn’t been any good come out of your “differences” yet, without them, you won’t be you. It’s like asking Jennifer Lawrence to play Katniss in real life – you wouldn’t want to see her brooding in front of the camera all the time, would you?

© tinylittletea

  1. 1 Corinthians 1:28 []
  2. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 []