Food Diary: The fruit queen wants to run back home.

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BREAKFAST

3 small apricots

2 extra dark chocolate Lindt balls

MID-MORNING SNACK

1 whole avocado

AFTERNOON SNACK

1 sweet potato

LATE LUNCH

cheesy spicy barley

…with onions and tomatoes and scallops… and chili and lots of paprika

2 dark chocolate Lindt balls

WATER: 2 liters + innumerable little cups of green tea and other teas

***

Notes:

- My mood greatly improves after this morning’s run, very different from the usual cloudy and sleepy feeling in the afternoon. I also have even less appetite and clearer head – it’s easier for me to think. Even though I ran very little, I walked a lot on my way back home, more than 30 minutes or so. That’s when my mind starts to relax, and craved for an avocado.

- I have too much fruit cravings. I want watermelons right now…

 - Exactly 33 days from now, I’m going home forever. I packed my pumps and heels today into a large cardboard box, leaving my flats and running shoes on my hallway to wear for the remaining days from today. Why is it always 33 days? One reason I’m doing this accountability practice, this jotting-down-all-things-I-stuff-into-my-mouth was to get in shape before I go home. I’m more aware of what I put in and when I put it in to my mouth. I don’t eat after 5 pm, but there were some days that I did, but very little. And I have big meals early in the morning. Then I realized… all the food I stuffed into my mouth other than suppressing hunger are just feelings of homesickness – a.k.a. emotional eating. Well, I have a lot of blockbuster movies that everybody has watched and I haven’t because I want to watch it with my boyfriend. Imagine holding your pee for 2 hours. That’s homesick.

- I’m glad I ran this morning. Again, it lifts my spirits a ton. And I should be able to sleep tighter tonight. My muscles are so much relaxed from the previous days, especially after that many reps of squats throughout the day. I want to run again this coming Thursday morning. We’ll see. I know I can do it (run farther, get in shape on time, be stronger, exercise confidence).

Muchaluva,
Stace

Fitness Journal: Long note, short run

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1.25 mi run in 14:12 min (pace: 11’20″ / mi)

Music: International Departures with Myon & Shane 54 Episode 135


8 sets of 20-rep squats
 throughout the day, alternating between normal squats and sumo squats

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just in case you have no idea how to perform a sumo squat, take a look at this video. I have been one of those who perform workouts without proper form, and you don’t want that, trust me. Don’t focus on whether you’re going to make it through all the sets; focus on your form and take it slow… you’ll be fine.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXJrBgI2RxA]
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shqsb5Ke7gI]

***

Notes:

Okay, okay, I lied. To you and to myself. I know I said I don’t want to know how far and how fast I go, but I did use a Nike+ monitor in my left shoe. I don’t want to know but I wanna know, get it? I don’t.

As long as during the run, I was enjoying the moment, not stressed out looking back and forth at my iPod nano.

First run at the Embarcadero again. Brings back lots of memories… private memories, just my body moving with trance music when it’s still dawn.

When I was at the Pier this morning, I almost don’t believe why I stopped running completely. The atmosphere is so calming – it’s not very sunny, a bit windy and very chilly, there’s not many tourists in the morning (less crowded) and all you see are fellow joggers/runners running past me. I am happy to exchange smiles with some who are quite panting but still managed to give a genuine smile and keep their heads up. I smile back in return, not knowing who these strangers are, except that they’re the ones who give a s**t to wake up every morning and take time to reflect upon their lives, running away from the hustle and bustle, put the messy pieces together with each stride, and come back to reality in a much relaxed state.

I was one of those fast runners who don’t give a s**t about even looking at other fellow runners’ faces, other than getting to my destination as fast as I can. That’s bad, really bad. Look what happened! (1. disappearance of menstrual cycle; 2. depression; 3. never-ending diets that load me weight I’ve lost; 4. impatience; short-circuit; 5. extra-low self-esteem). Let’s skip the crap and fast-forward: I’m a traditionalist and a big believer of long, slow, steady progress now. God tests your faith.

I learned the hard way that security, taking good care of things before they become a problem, is better than solving problems in the first place. Which comes back to the main motivation of running: If you focus on maintaining your health above everything else, which is an intrinsic motivation, you’ll take care of yourself better and increase that feeling of self-worth.

I have not reach the runner’s high yet (it’s a short run, plus I’m not fit enough at my current state), but I have no doubts that I can reach that point again some time in the not-so-distant future.

Anyway, I’ve learned some things that doesn’t work for me over the years I run, and today I don’t follow these lessons. I don’t feel qualified giving advice for anybody. These are just things I want to keep in mind, so that I won’t hurt myself in the future, especially now that I’ve got someone who loves and cares for me very much. So these are my personal reminders:

1.Don’t wear baggy clothing. You’ll have a hard time trying not to be sloppy. Keep it light and keep it tight. Your clothes must fit your frame.


2. Respect the distance – no matter how short or long it is. 
Like I said, I used to be the one who don’t bother. It’s just a very difficult attitude in running, and in life, when you hold up too much pride in yourself, and that you self-sabotage yourself to work up to your ideals and don’t admit where you are right now. I obviously can’t run a full 60-minute workout at my current fitness level. I’m not the person living in the body I used to be. I can be in that body again, which can be mine for as long as I want but it can only be lived in the right attitude, a great respect for your body and every body else. Okay, I’m just going to quote Amby Burfoot here from his book, The Runner’s Guide to the Meaning of Life:

You can’t go far in running without respect. First, you have to respect the distance. which is often said about marathons but applies equally to all distance running. If you don’t understand the many ways running can challenge your body and mind, it can overwhelm you.
Second, there’s the mutual respect all runners feel for each other. It doesn’t matter what your 10k time is or how fast I’ve run the marathon. The experience is what matters, and the experience is basically the same for all of us. An exercise physiologist can essentially “prove” that a 4-hour marathoner “works harder” than a 2-hour marathoner, even though it seems ludicrous to say this about the slower runner. But when different runners begin talking about a marathon, or any other running, they realize they’ve been through essentially the same thing. A true runner understands this.

3. Keep your head up.
 Stand tall. Look ahead. BE CONFIDENT, simple and sweet as that. Why do I want to go for a run this morning at that long stretch of piers I once used to know so well? I don’t know, and I don’t know if I’m going to make it long enough, considering my fitness level today compared to before. It’s because now I bother. I now care. I now have someone that I care. I care about myself in return. If somebody asks me why do I run? I’ll answer:

BECAUSE I CAN.

Quoting Christian Grey there. And just to add to the note… My boyfriend read to me a line that resonates a lot of truth to him (and to me) too while we’re on the phone:

Anastasia, I’m delighted that you’ve met my parents. Why are you so filled with self-doubt? It never ceases to amaze me. You’re such a strong, self-contained young woman, but you have such negative thoughts about yourself. If I hadn’t wanted you to meet them, you wouldn’t be here. Is that how you were feeling the whole time you were there? (Fifty Shades of Grey)


Urgh.
I don’t know. I just assume all women have a lower confidence level than men in general. But now I think it’s just me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Muchaluva,
Stace