Today was a tough one!
But no instant meals today. Every morsel of food I took into my mouth has been perfectly healthy, thanks to conscience and gut instincts.
Everytime I get the urge to take a trip to the fridge, I tell myself: Why procrastinate when you can keep going without any distractions? Like yesterday, I was spending my afternoon doing my class readings while anticipating for the weekend. Even though it’s just one class I’m taking now, it’s 3 weeks. So, from a normal 16-week class, we have classes every single day, except for weekends of course. It seems like my brain’s digesting a lot of stuff at one go. It’s only the third day, but my teacher’s already talking about the final essay.
Anyway, like I said, today was tough. I just find all ways I can keep sticking to this fast. For the first half of the day, I decided to stay at home all day like yesterday. But I had to sign up for classes this summer, meaning I have to go to school and get my butt out of the house. My summer classes will begin right after this 3-week class ends. So I tried to call my school to schedule for an appointment with my advisor, and I didn’t get through. Maybe the school building is closed. So I just e-mailed my advisor, and thank God he replied promptly, and the school building is apparently NOT closed. I was worrying about it because if I’m not enrolled, that means I haven’t take these classes, which means I have not graduated!
Anyway, I get to meet my advisor either tomorrow or Monday, so I’m tremendously relieved.
So this morning, I had the same thing as yesterday:
I don’t think I can live without eggs. Back at home, ever since I was born, my mother always get me to eat 1 boiled egg every morning. Every single morning. Until today. So I guess it’s a habit.
Those eggs were so well-done that they immediately relieved all the hunger from my last meal yesterday (only a tablespoon of olive oil) all the way through the night. At about late morning, I was hungry again. I looked into my fridge, and all I have were vegetables. Parsley, cucumbers, frozen broccoli florets, cabbage.
I don’t want to go hungry for the next couple of hours, so I just brought them all green fibers together and ate a relatively large bowl of salad.
I sauteed them over olive oil and chopped garlic and onion. Then just top it all off with chili powder, black pepper, and garlic salt.
Yes, I love garlic. And I have a Dracula as a boyfriend. That’s okay. Everytime we eat out, he gives me his garlic, and I give him my meat. And then we eat eggs and tofu together.
Surprisingly, I was not hungry for up to 5 hours with that salad. Until I started craving for salmon. Raw, juicy salmon.
I love salmon. Raw as it is, uncooked, simply served with soy sauce and wasabi. Oh my God, it’s so fresh. The temptation, for me, was not to get out of the house and buy pounds of salmon and screw this fast. The temptation was actually to stay at home and ignore my cravings.
Last time, I mentioned that I’ve done an absolute fast before, but I didn’t document it. From that moment on, I learned to never ever deprive myself, because I know the consequence: Once the fast ends, I’ll be ravenous. I’ll obsess over food, and I will constantly and forever will be feeling deprived, even if I finally allow myself to eat the yummiest foods in the world.
I think the core of all this is just self-acceptance, which is a difficult thing for me. I don’t want to get too deep into this, but I’m deep down a very picky person and one damn stubborn perfectionist. Only my closest friends know about this, while others would wonder why it took so long for me to have a boyfriend. And my boyfriend’s a picky person too.
Anyway, back to food.
So I decided to satisfy my cravings. I really did bought salmon. And some other stuff. I wasn’t afraid anymore whether I’ll impulsively stash other things into my grocery cart if I go grocery shopping. I know what I want and I get them. However, I allow myself little indulgences, like this:
Soymilk. Another thing I’m obsessed with sometimes.
You might think that I’m weird to be craving such healthy stuff. But I’m blessed to have my mom cultivating healthy diet and healthy habits since I was born.
Besides a boiled egg every morning, I also have a glass of soymilk, usually sweetened with honey. And then there’s apple. These 3 foods are like my default menu for breakfast because I’ve been made to consume them every single day of my life – before I go to school, before an exam, before going to the gym, before heading out somewhere,… every. single. day.
So once in a while, I crave apples too. Like I do now. But the store I shopped at does not have fresh apples. I’ll just save this craving for later. As long as now I HAVE MY SALMON!!!
Pretty-in-pink salmon. Oh so good. They tasted like heaven to me. I bought two packets of these, and after I finished mine today, I had the urge to eat another packet… But it’s meant for tomorrow. It’s meant to be saved until tomorrow. And I’ve got to develop the grit to persevere, not procrastinate with food and stop doing my required reading for class, procrastinate from clearing up my stuff (yes, LOTS of stuff thrown away today) Anyway…
I chopped it all off into tiny cubes, then sprinkle LOTS of garlic powder and black pepper. And then pour a little bit of soy sauce until the salmon absorbs all of it, and then put some more chopped parsley and green onions on top.
Okay. So let’s do the math:
2 eggs fried with 1 tablespoon olive oil: 300 calories
sauteed salad bowl of broccoli, cucumbers, cabbage, parsley on 1 tablespoon olive oil: 250 calories
honey soymilk: 250 calories
raw salmon, prettified with stuff that contains no calories: 200 calories
300 + 250(2) + 200 = 1000 calories
I hit the number right on the spot. I didn’t intend to do that, but I couldn’t help it – I was really hungry this evening.
However, I have a slight suspicion that out of these 3 days of partial fasting, today will be the hardest day of all. Tomorrow I think I’ll get used to the slightly hungry feeling and just shrug it off, because my bad habit is to eat until I feel full, so no matter how healthy I eat, I’m still eating much more than I need. Now that my stomach is satisfied, I have slightly-above-average confidence that I will not hit 1000 calories tomorrow.
Another motivation I thought of was to schedule a massage session the day after the 3rd fasting day ends. I’m still thinking about it – just the thought of it throughout today made me find all ways to feel less hungry. Like fitting in my primary school shorts, keeping my body warm in an oversized sweater, brushing my teeth, and drinking peppermint tea.
Peppermint tea has been shown to reduce your appetite. Right after my salad bowl, I drank peppermint tea. I guess the credits go to the fiber and the peppermint flavor to keep me satiated for the next 5 hours, before I craved for the salmon.
And I had my vitamins like yesterday: multivitamin, vitamin C, calcium with vitamin D, and GNC’s hair supplement.
Teas I drank today include peppermint tea, organic mint tea, and lots of green tea.
Green tea also absorbs up to 30% of our food intake for the day, so you actually burn off extra calories just by sitting down and drinking green tea. And I guess that’s why I am hungrier than yesterday. But I did it again – I persevered, I was productive, and still am able to keep up with my responsibilities for the day!
Tomorrow will be the last day… And I can proudly say I will be checking something off my bucket list!