…BECAUSE KNOWING THE END IS THE SUREFIRE WAY TO MOVE FORWARD RIGHT.
I AM crying. I cannot stop crying.
Dear God, please help me ease my pain. I don’t want to hurt others through my pain. Please, send me someone whom I can fully trust, someone whom I can fully express my feelings to. Someone whom I know does not judge but listen with open ears. Someone whom I feel safe to be around with.
Someone who I can love.
I don’t want to cry every night like this anymore. My face is starting to show.
Please, please… Send me someone with whom I can find comfort. Someone who keeps his word. Someone who means all the things he says.
In this night’s thunders and storms, I cannot take it anymore…
I’ve committed to death and a lifetime of dedication to my life’s purpose.
Please do send me an angel.
SALUNA is signing off.
This is another old piece. I can tell right away where the shadows are rendered not-so-well, and what’s to edit on the big picture. Anyways, I’ll leave it to that. A little more about the piece…
A copy from a photo I was a toddler. Even at an innocent age as early as when I was about 2 to 4 years old, the shadow has already been following me up till today. Nevertheless, there are also a whole lot more shadows ahead of me – bigger ones, taller ones – and they’re heading towards me. From that moment onwards, they will continue to try to test my innocence in the coming years.
Will I continue being innocent? Should I not face these monsters by avoiding them? Or should I bravely face them with my courage? Will I be one of them after that? Or will I return to my innocence?
Just trying to be poetic. Or deeply shallow.
Everything was done in a B-pencil.
First of all, happy holidays, peeps. I uploaded a link to my animated illustration on Christmas eve. Check it out. Have fun and play with it.
In my last blog post, I promised you on this day I’ll fill you in with my hair length update. Well, it’s so far growing fast, but not as fast as the first two weeks when I’ve taken the pills.
My shortest layer at the back is as long as the bottom of my neck by now, which barely touches my shoulders before I begin taking these pills 4 weeks ago. So, I really recommend the pills to anyone who’s looking to grow their hair faster. On a side note, though, I naturally eat a lot of protein in my diet. And seaweed. And aloe vera. And those things the media keep saying grows you longer hair in days (they’re not scientifically proven). I don’t purposely have them just because I want longer hair – I just eat them as part of my diet ever since I was little. So, I guess that accounts for the drastic growth too, if it really does.
On the other hand, I barely exercise anymore. I’m not sedentary per se. For the last few weeks of school, for that matter throughout my fall semester, I carry super heavy stuff around so I don’t feel like I need any strength training with real weights, just the usual body weight exercises occasionally. But I don’t do real cardio anymore, at least not for more than 20 minutes or so.
What I know for sure is that physical exercise promotes better circulation of your blood throughout your system, including those that circulates your head and your hair strands.
Which is why, now that I have all the time in the world during my holidays, I begin doing cardio again at home. My mother has a retro cycling machine. I’ve cycled a couple of times during the first week I got back here in Jakarta (a little more than a week ago). Let’s see what happens with my hair 2 weeks later with consistent exercise, along with GNC’s Ultra-Nourish Hair pills.
Anyway, a good workout does other benefits too, as you may all know already. I’ve just had a workout session on the cycling machine for 30 minutes, without music. These days I like to workout for thinking – it’s a time to put the pieces of my thoughts together so that I get to function better after that. It doesn’t feel like 30 minutes when you think about stuff.
Well, that’s not actually my point here. While I was cycling I was having a facial mask. I slathered extra-virgin olive oil on my skin. Right after I got off from the machine, I realized not only does physical exercise gives you that natural blush and glow, but olive oil does wonders for moisturizing your skin. It feels like a baby’s skin. I guess with better circulation, the oil seeps better into the inner layers of your skin.
For those of you who knew me well, I used to be an exercise aficionado. I can’t go a day without running. Moving your body makes you feel that anything is possible if you work for it, as long as you don’t die (sarcasm). No matter what your reason for moving your body, you always feel good out of doing it. At least physically, as in, on the surface. I used to do it to get thin, and then I got thin, and then I got thinner, and thinner, and thinner. I looked kind of scary two years ago.
I was enjoying it so much that I never found the real meaning of moving my body in the first place. Sure, it’s a healthy way to burn calories, think positive, throw tantrum, and so much more. But if you think about moving your body at its simplest, starting from waking up in the morning from your bed and get excited for the day, there must be something that energizes you from the inside. It’s not just to look good – but, God I know I’m cheesy – to feel good too.
So I grew to have a love/hate relationship with running, especially after I bought the fancy stuff like my heart rate monitor, my mile counts, and all that running uniform and caps. I grew obsessed with my speed and my distance, that I don’t really feel like my heart’s leading the way anymore as opposed to my eyes constantly checking how far or how fast I should be going.
But I keep exercising anyway. I still do. I still am. All those miles and visits to the gym for cross-training completely changes my brain and in a lot of ways my personality too.
How you perceive yourself is how you become. Whatever you believe, you are.
If you look at my primary school profile pictures, I used to be that skinny and tall kid who’s quiet, obedient, and really, really emotional. Rarely does the loud, outspoken, opinionated and adventurous girl expresses herself and makes people laugh. Ever since my regular exercise regimen, I noticed a permanent change in this person living in this body – the latter version becomes a dominant part of me, and that shy girl gets emotional only once in a while. Thank God for that. It is really because of this brave girl stepping up that I now really became a published writer, and still trying to be a better writer (especially a more economical one, i.e. using less words).
Also, another confession I want to make is – the whole reason I embarked upon the exercise regimen I adopted few years ago is to lose weight. I gained about 10 kilos after I moved to the States, I looked super hideous. I’ve never been that large before in my entire life. I was so shocked when I was shopping for jeans – my size has increased a lot larger, I don’t want to tell you how many I’ve grown. And so I lost tons of weight, and I regained it all in the last couple of years, but physically, I looked totally different. And perhaps it’s all because of the permanent changes going on in the brain.
This is what I believe: How you perceive yourself is how you become. Whatever you believe, you are.
Plus, I got to grow 2 centimeters taller too.
So, I just want to conclude to all these that physical exercise is the cheapest and the natural kind of plastic surgery. You get pretty from the inside out, not the other way round. You get smart out of it, you get excited about it, and really, you’re a much happier person.
And, perhaps, you’re going to get longer hair faster too. We’ll see in about 2 weeks from today.