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Fresh off the Gardasil boat


August 2009



Here I am, sitting at my desk and sipping my sweet iced green tea at past midnight, typing away. Green tea had always have that restorative powers to lift up my saturnine spirits.

Anyway, I’m sure that the ever-growing number of guinea pigs on Gardasil are young and fresh. I’m one of them.

I just got my second shot today. I can’t remember how it felt the first time, but it certainly was quite painful than all the shots I’ve ever taken in my life. I mean, I couldn’t flex my shoulders for a few minutes right after the shot. But throughout the day, everything was okay though. The first time went fine too, no side effects whatsoever. Right after the shot I went to my first gym visit ever since I had my knee sprain. A trip to the gym always makes my day better, considering how much of a gym jargon I am. But who cares? I love getting fit and challenging myself! Because as they say,

I realized that I had better appetite too. These past few weeks I’ve been feeling empty inside, craving for nothing at all. I do still eat small meals throughout the day, but every meal feels like a chore, because I need energy, but my brain tells me every time that I’m not hungry. It’s just the thing with hormones, you know?

Anyway, seems like nothing’s been off today, except when out of curiosity I Googled “Gardasil”, and found a couple of shocking news about its adverse effects.




I watched the video with my mom, and of course she panicked too. She asked me why do I do my research now that I’ve already taken the shots, instead of doing that before I did. Oh well, I just couldn’t imagine how serious the effects of the vaccinations are.

Plus, what we all know is that Gardasil is not like other types of vaccinations since it’s all proteins and has no bacterias, which can reproduce in our bodies. So I thought given this information, it’s safer than other vaccinations I’ve ever taken, say the Hepatitis B.

There was this other video that I watched after with my mom too, which is quite moving and very argumentative. It really scared the hell out of me, because that’s when I realized that I am indeed a guinea pig.




Over the past couple of years, there has been an increased awareness on how cervical cancers have attacked women across the world, which is why vaccinations such as Gardasil and Cervarix are booming. From these videos here you can see that some schools in the States force the girls to vaccinate themselves in order to continue attending the school. Others just highly recommended them and provide the options for parents. There’s just been so many commercials and publications everywhere now on Gardasil.

The thing is, it’s new. It’s only been around for nearly three years, and only God knows until when the vaccine will protect you. There have been so many terrible cases on girls who’ve taken their Gardasil shots, though the link between their diseases and the vaccine is still vague. Check out CDC who has the full report on the safety of Gardasil.

After discussing about this with my mom, she told me the most ridiculous advice you can probably think of, though to me it’s very relevant. She told me that I should stop checking out all of these reports and cases now and don’t stress myself now that I’ve already taken those shots. Sure I should have the knowledge of what might the possibilities be, but take it light, don’t stress it all out, because with stress itself you can lead your own way down to cervical cancers per se. Just pray to God everyday that it will be okay, and hope for the best out of the expense on those vaccines!








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The blue in black and white


Summer 2009

Imitating Franz Kafka for LA 238: World Literature at Academy of Art University.


“Alienated from all these absurdities.” That is my most recent status change on my BlackBerry Messenger. You’re probably thinking that I am one of the bandwagon hoppers of this generation, aren’t you? Oh, and for the living dead and the future of mankind, you’ve probably guessed it right; I am living in the generation of the second millennia. Already the second. Can you believe that? The first where it’s all black and white. The second where mankind filled in the values of gray. And now? Does mankind create the rainbow? No, rainbows have always been there, but we all know there’s something else somewhere over the rainbow. Let’s dive into the blue.

I’m not going to talk about blue aliens somewhere over a blue planet. It’s absurd. I would sound like the guy they talked about in the “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” song. Better yet, I would be like any guy on the street during the summer of ’99, singing, “I’m blue, da ba dee da ba die…” That won’t be so absurd. I’m going to be blue and alienate myself, since everything around me has been going under a blue streak. Seriously. How fast can a message be delivered to another now with the BlackBerry hype and all? The reason I use it is because I accepted the fact that our generation is getting the most benefits out of industrialization. This rapidly-growing modern world demands so much for every one to fit in. After all, it’s about the survival of the fittest, right? Yeah, call me a bandwagon hopper. I’m asking myself, do I really fit in? Do you? Does Michael Jackson? Does Michael Jackson’s nose? Or Farah Fawcett’s smile? The friend who’s just lost her job? The homeless guy? The homeless dog? The pennies they got? The $5 Ben & Jerry’s? Oh wait, not only ice cream cone prices are inflating. Where I came from, the angry misfits stare at the children licking those cones, then vent their blues on childish balloons and inflate them till their dying day. Blow, blow, blow they go, out of the blue, “Pop!” goes the balloons. Oops! I meant bombs.

Indeed. Every one is in great depression. I’m not the only blue one swimming in the blue streak of the mainstream. Those childish adults, feeling like minorities even though we all know Indonesia is the country with the most Muslims in the world, being rejected and mistreated and therefore becoming misfits, only knew how to say, “Hey! Look at me! I’m depressed!” Not realizing that the ruling Chinese-Indonesians, the zillionaires around them, and the king of pop at the other end of the world also have the blues sometimes, most of the times, once in a blue moon. People only want to believe what they want to believe.

A few years ago the world has entered a recession under a blue streak. A streak of recess. What a paradox. A few weeks ago Jacko bombed the globe with his last breath of pop music. A few days ago I dreamt I was moonwalking and when I woke up, my BlackBerry contacts bombarded me with messages about the bombs in Ritz-Carlton and J. W. Marriott hotels. Ironically, I was reading the book of Revelations the night before I went moonwalking, just had the feeling of doing it, out of the blue. The next morning? I don’t know what to believe anymore, or know what I want to believe anymore. I believe you feel the same way.

However, I doubt this act of terror is frightening us all. I doubt that it will ever realize the undying hopes of those angry misfits. I doubt that people would take a look at how depressed they really are, much so as to respond to those blue feelings. I doubt that the Red Devils will ever step foot on our lands, or even considering the thought ever again, and the local, loyal fans of the Devils, I doubt, would ever forgive this act. I believe that Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono has been a wise president ever since he took the office, alongside him stood a nation who became relatively quiet since we last heard a huge “Pop!” over the recent years. But then again, now doubt clouds over me. I believe you feel the same way.

Test yourself on mankind. It is something that makes the doubter doubt, the believer believe. Take Kafka’s world into your world, as I’m doing for my own. Who’s to say that the Jackals and the Arabs behave like the Jewish and the Nazis? In my case, the Muslims and the Indo-Chinese population? Is it not enough to be someone, or simply to exist? In this modern world, the human race has replaced the philosophies of Enlightenment in the good ol’ days into a society depending on independence itself, demanding an identity for everything and a definition in every decision. In the end, we ask ourselves who are we, really? What does it mean to exist?

Out of the blue, it’s already the second millennia. Mankind has survived long before the black-and-white TV shows up till now, where you and I and the rest of the world become aliens who hums on da ba dee da ba die every breathing second, as if our lives depend on singing the stupid song and its absurdity. Where is this rainbow of happiness? Does it exist?

I once believed when I was a child, but I doubt it now, because someone once sang, “Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly…”